i'm a mess...
Friday, January 20, 2006
so i'm sitting here in my dining room in my boer bennink shorts, a long-sleeved army-green shirt, and one sock (don't ask). my hair's a mess, my contacts are still in, i'm as tired as all get out (in fact i just got up from a brief and unexpected nap that snuck up on me while i was reading the davinci code just a minute ago). i'm not even using my own computer (thanks wes). it is nearing midnight and i should have been in bed hours ago. me and my boy sharpie are going for breakfast in the morning and i'll be rising early so i should be asleep, but something keeps me up (and it's not the fear of recent threats against me and my boys). i guess i just feel drawn to be. to think. to write.
i think that its moments like these that i feel God really speaking. the late nights and the early mornings. the times when i am alone but i know others aren't around. some of my best experiences with the Lord aren't much. they don't always include the bible or praying or singing or something spiritual. its just me being and Him being with me. just sensing His presence.
Posted byMike Fennema posted 11:37 PM 2 comments
Defending My Honor
Monday, January 16, 2006
While I am flattered that people would think that I could do such a thing, I am taken aback by the accusations that have been flying around lately( I know that most people know what I am talking about without me having to say it, if not, I'm sorry.). I have always desired for people to describe me as a man of integrity and honor. Someone who could be trusted. A man of my word. But lately I feel like people have been draggin my name through the mud and saying things that are hurtful. I feel like my actions in the past and my character have been overlooked, and my hard work has been erased. Please restore my honor.
Posted byMike Fennema posted 11:18 PM 16 comments
The Gambler
Saturday, January 14, 2006
On a warm summer's evenin', on a train bound for nowhere, I met up with the gambler. We were both too tired to sleep, so we took turns a-starin' out the window at the darkness. When boredom overtook us, he began to speak. He said, "Son, I've made a life out of readin' people's faces, knowin' what the cards were by the way they held their eyes. So if you don't mind my sayin', I can see you're out of aces. For a taste of your whiskey, I'll give you some advice."
So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow. Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light. And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
He said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, you gotta learn to play it right. You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done. Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep. 'Cause every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser, and the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."
And when he finished speakin', he turned back toward the window, crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep. And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even, and in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done."
Posted byMike Fennema posted 11:11 AM 1 comments
In loving memory...
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I hardly knew him, but it amazes me how much I still think about him. For a while, I actually used to carry a quarter in my pocket to remind me of him. Why? Because one cold January day on the way back from our interim class, I picked up a snowball as I always did. "What'll you give me if I hit that tree?" "A quarter." I hit it, and he paid up. Always a man of his word.
I hardly knew him, but I was getting to know him. I know that he and I could have been great friends if we just had the opportunity. If he was on third Beets instead of second. If I went on FYF one year later. If we had more classes together. If, if, if.
I hardly knew him, but so many others did. And to know him was to love him. His quirks, his jokes, his pranks, his guitar, his camera. Him.
I hardly knew him, but I know his sister, and she is my friend. I don't know if I would have met her if it was not for him. Knowing him and knowing her, I see that Holy Spirit flows in the family.
I hardly knew him, and yet I miss him.
You are missed, but not forgotten. I am jealous of where you are and Who you are with. Thank you for who you were while you were here and how you have inspired others to be like you. And with every quarter I see, I will think of you and then I'll think of Him.
Posted byMike Fennema posted 8:09 PM 0 comments
A Challenge and a Prayer for Aught Six.
Sunday, January 1, 2006
Anyone out there wanna join me in reading through the Bible this year? I am going to be using Robert Murray M'Cheyne's method for daily reading. If you want to find out what his method was, pick up a copy of For the Love of God by Carson. A spiritual mentor of mine highly recommends it, and I'm gonna give it a shot.
One of my New Year's resolutions is prayer. Here's one to start off aught six:
O Lord,
Length of days does not profit me
except the days are passed in thy presence,
in thy service, to thy glory.
Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustainns, sanctifies, aids every hour,
that I may not be one moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit
to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire
to show forth thy praise;
testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the undnown waters
of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
thee, O Son, at my helm,
thee O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.
Buide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy calls,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.
Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy consel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.
May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.
--New Year prayer taken from Valley of Vision
Posted byMike Fennema posted 2:00 AM 1 comments
