Mike & Steph

Moving!

2008-04-29T20:00:00.003-05:00

No, we didn't sell our house. I followed the lead of Ethan and Amy Pitsch and headed over to Wordpress for our blog. Now instead of being a chauvinist pig and only having my name in the web address, both of our names are there:

http://mikeandsteph.wordpress.com

Please update your bookmarks and RSS feeds!

On Being 27

2008-04-29T09:46:00.000-05:00

I’m starting to understand that the older that you get the less change that you feel from year to year. I don’t feel any different than I did when I was 26. Part of that might come from my forgetting in the last couple of months how old I am. I had to stop and think on multiple occasions is I was 26 or 27. I don’t think that I have ever had that happen to me before.

Being 26 was a big deal because I realized that I was closer to 30 than I was to 20. That was a weird thought. 27 hasn’t had any implications like that so far.

As I look back on this past year of my life, the thing that really dominated was school. It seemed that I never really had a break from school, not even in the summer. Because of that I am able to graduate in a couple of months, so I am grateful. But looking back, it seems that I always had a book that I had to read or a paper to write or a test to study for. I am glad that phase of my life will be over soon. After being a student for 20 some years, I am looking forward to not being that anymore. Time to move on.

Some highlights from the past year include a medical mission trip to Tanzania, which is where I celebrated my last birthday. It is hard to believe that it has been a year since we’ve been there. We also traveled to Aruba where I became a voracious reader and finished off multiple books for my own enjoyment. Love it. We also ventured to Discovery Cove to swim with the dolphins here in the great city of Orlando. Thanksgiving was in Chicago, Christmas in Dalton, and New Years and home in Mount Dora.

I think that my 26^th year could be described as the year I put a million miles on my car. It seems that Stephanie and I spent more time traveling to places than we care to imagine. From traveling an hour each way to seminary everyday, to driving about 40 minutes to get to church and at least 45 minutes to see friends, the odometers on our cars have been extremely busy. They are ready for a break and so are we. We look forward to the next phase in our lives when we can be closer to our church, our jobs (which hopefully is the same thing as our church), our friends, and civilization in general. We know that God has kept us in Mount Dora for a reason, and we have enjoyed our time her, but now it is time to move on.

This past year brought its share of struggles as well. The year started off with finding out that we were pregnant, but the feeling of joy quickly turned to sorrow when we found out about the miscarriage. The week between finding out about the miscarriage and Stephanie have her procedure to have the baby removed was one of the most agonizing weeks of my life, and certainly the most agonizing week of our marriage. I don’t think that joy has so quickly turned into deep sorrow so quickly in my life. But God is faithful and true, and we were able to get pregnant fairly quickly after we were allowed to start trying again. Instead of having a baby in January which would have been difficult for us (Steph would have to go back to work immediately and I would still be in school), our first child is now due in August, after I graduate. this will allow Stephanie to stay home with Elliot, provided that I have a job. Through that whole ordeal, we were so confused as to what God was doing in our lives. When we stopped preventing getting pregnant, we felt God calling us to trust him with our lives and with the planning of our family. When we got pregnant, we thought he was calling us to be parents at that time. God has taught us much about his timing, resting in him, and allowing him to guide our steps. It has been a difficult and painful lesson, but we are placing our trust more on him every day.

This next year appears to be a big one in my life. It starts off with my graduation from Seminary. Hopefully, Lord willing, it will be followed up with starting a new job, followed by the birth of our first child. Those three events combined are enough big events for the whole year! We might have to squeeze in the sale of a house and a big move in there, if God is calling us to a different place.

Elliot's Debut

2008-04-08T20:33:00.002-05:00

After a month of having his pictures sitting on my desk, I finally have scanned them in for all of you to enjoy. and as you can tell from the title, not only are we unveiling his first photos, but we are also unveiling his name. After much deliberation and crazy occurrences with other names, we are excited to announce that we are naming our firstborn son Elliot Michael Fennema.
We were deliberating between a couple of different names, and we were amazed at how many people were very candid--maybe too candid--with whether they really liked or really didn't like what we were considering. We are just thankful that the people who read this blog realize that it isn't a very nice thing to criticize the name of a pregnant woman's child, especially right in front of her. That usually doesn't go over so well with the pregnant mother, so we are glad that the people who read this blog don't do that. :)
We are very excited about Elliot and his arrival, hopefully at the end of July. When Stephanie went in for her last checkup, she actually measured 2 weeks ahead. That could mean that he is going to be a big boy and would come early. Or it could be just a simple growth spurt. Who knows. We are just very grateful that little Elliot is growing healthy and strong. He is truly our little blessing from God.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T14:50:00.004-05:00

He has risen! He has risen indeed!

Stephanie and I wish all of our friends and family a Happy Easter! Stephanie and I colored Easter eggs again this year, and once again, she had the opportunity to scour our house looking for Easter eggs filled with jelly beans. As you can tell, our little boy is getting bigger and bigger inside of mommy. We can't wait until he's here!

The Name Will Be Carried On

2008-03-12T21:13:00.006-05:00

It's a Boy!!!!! We are so excited that we are having a boy after countless people telling us that we were having a girl (not that a girl would be bad). We have a few pics of the my tiny shopping spree (

Mike gave me play money to buy some gender specific items- so I went nuts at Target!!!). Even though we have no idea where
we will be living we went ahead and put the baby things in one of our bedrooms. Truth be told all the items have been donated graciously to us and we were running out of room in the garage. So these probably are not nursery shots, but you never know. We feel so blessed that our little "Fennema" is alive and well, kicking and rolling about. We are grateful to our Heavenly Father for the joy of this little guy inside me.

Steph

The Things You Swear You Would Never Do

2008-02-18T16:26:00.001-05:00

I'm starting to learn to erase the phrases "I would never do…" or "I could never see myself doing…" or "I wouldn't be caught dead doing…". I've done that before (see this almost 10-year-old reflection I wrote immediately following Facing Your Future, and let me know if you find it funny in any way. I do.).

Stephanie and I are praying hard—not only for our baby—but for a position to open up for me. We are waiting back to hear from the school in Honduras. They have my complete application, and they should be getting back to me shortly. We shall see what will happen. I had some interesting encounters recently and other opportunities might be presenting themselves in areas a little closer to home. I've also started to apply to positions that I never thought that I would apply to. That is where this post comes from.

Steph and I had a great day in Sunday School yesterday. It wasn't that the lesson was extremely provocative or deep. It was a good lesson, and I think the kids are enjoying the study we are doing. What made yesterday so good is that as I was walking out of the class afterwards, the thought ran through my mind "These kids are actually starting to like us." Our students—junior high kids—actually like us. That is huge. In the beginning, we knew that they didn't. They weren't mean; they just didn't know us and didn't care to get to know us because they didn't know if we were going to be sticking around or not. Well, we've been around for almost a year now, and they are starting to trust us. It is truly a beautiful thing. On top of that, one of the kids related his past year to the man who was born blind and Jesus healed his blindness. He said that he feels like the blind man because God has been opening up his eyes spiritually over the last year, and it has been really cool. (I'm such a weenie that I'm actually starting to tear up as I write about it…get it together Mike…). The rest of the class actually clapped when he read that. It was awesome.

Please pray for us as we try to figure out where God is calling us. Spiritually, we are experiencing a great exercise in trust and patiently waiting on the Lord. When you look back on great spiritual exercises, you can begin to see what God is doing. When you are going through them, it isn't always clear what God is doing and is quite often a struggle. Please pray for our struggle.

Pregnancy Class C

2008-02-13T19:21:00.003-05:00

I often used to think of pregnancy as this magical, amazing time where you overnight developed the perfect basketball belly... ate pickles and ice cream with out adding cellulite to your thighs ...... drifted about in beautiful maternity wear .... and patted your belly gently whenever the baby kicked. I was so wrong. Although some people may have a pregnancy just like the one I mentioned - It has certainly not been the case for me, at least not yet anyway.

First of all, most people can not even tell that I am pregnant, you may ask why am I upset about this? I am nearly 16 weeks along every book I read says I should be showing now. Don't get me wrong I am thankful that I am not as big as a cow, but having a little belly would be nice at this point. Also, one thing I never thought about before this luxury was taken away from me, was the ability to self-medicate for whatever ailment or illness I had. If I was sore I would take Motrin, if I had a cold I would take Sudafed. The pregnancy has brought about headaches that I consider the worst in my life and the ONLY medicine I can take is Tylenol. I was almost in tears the day before yesterday with a headache and sinus congestion. As a PA you can imagine I looked up every drug I could think of and all of them were labeled "Pregnancy Class C." Basically, this means "we are not certain that this will harm your child, but it has not proven so well with baby mice so you probably should not try it" Oh the agony.

I hope you all can gather the hint of sarcasm in this post. I am really not loathing life, I think I have just started to realize the many sacrifices I have and will be making for this precious little one growing inside me.

On a much more serious note when I was having that agonizing headache, I finally laid my head down on the desk where I was trying to work and prayed. I often feel like I barely have the faith of an electron much less a mustard seed. However, I prayed that God would take away my headache and I told him I really was not sure in my heart that He could but I new in my mind that He was able. 15 minutes later the headache that had plagued me for 3 days was gone. The same night Mike prayed that all my cold symptoms would be gone the next day and they were. I fully understand that God did not have to do any of this and that He would still be a mighty and powerful Lord even if I was still hurting, however I also know it was nothing but God's power that enabled me to recover.

Did I say I was overwhelmed?

2008-02-05T14:32:00.001-05:00

I thought I was overwhelmed last night. That was before the chaos that today was. I was working diligently on my essay questions for Systematic Theology 4 class that just got done last week. Our class has until the middle of March to get everything done for that class, but with all the work that has to be done during the semester, if you don't get it done as soon as possible, you are going to kill yourself. My work was interrupted by a voicemail from my good buddy Wes. How nice…he wanted to make sure I was ok….because I wasn't in class today. What?!? Class?!? I thought that classes weren't supposed to start until tomorrow! I couldn't be more wrong.

Well, with one class already missed and another one already underway, I got my butt in gear and hopped into my car so that I could drive all the way to Oviedo (just a quick hour drive…no big deal) and catch the last 2 hours of my next class. And now I am here in Dr. Frame's ethics class when I thought that I would be at Orangewood sitting in on staff meetings, a place where I would much rather be. Oh well.

Nothing like losing a day of being able to study to make you feel even more overwhelmed…

Overwhelmed

2008-02-04T22:43:00.001-05:00

As I sit and my desk, reading a rather intriguing article while I struggle to keep my eyes open—wait a minute---where did the last 20 minutes go? Ever had that happen? Well, it is happening to me now, so I thought I would quick post a blog to get me going again.

For anyone out there who does not know, I'm about to enter into my last semester of seminary, and I'm getting the overwhelmed feeling. Not overwhelmed because I have so much to do over the next couple of months. Not even overwhelmed because I could be getting ordained this summer and going through that process might literally be hell on earth. I'm not even feeling overwhelmed that I am going to be a dad for the first time. I'm actually overwhelmed knowing that I'm gonna have to know stuff. I know that doesn't sound like much, but people are going to be coming up to me and asking me questions, and I'm going to be expected to know the answer. How do you know the Bible is true? Is it ok if I leave my wife? What's gonna happen at the end of time? Should women be allowed to be ordained? Why do we baptize babies? What is the meaning of life? Why do we take communion? Are there prophets still today? Am I allowed to play sports on a Sunday? Who should I vote for? And that is not even the beginning. I am sure that I can't even begin to come up with all the questions.

All these questions beg to be answered, and people are going to come to me to ask many of these questions and more. I don't know if I am ready right now to handle all of them. I can just imagine my stuttering stammering tongue trying to come up with answers to everyone's questions, and I am just overwhelmed. I feel like I need all of the questions answered myself.

Giving it a whirl

2008-01-29T15:02:00.001-05:00

I am not a frequent blogger, but due to receiving great encouragement via reading other's blogs, I thought I would give it a whirl. So if you did not know already, I am pregnant. This pregnancy has been anything but easy. As many of you know, Mike and I had a miscarriage about 6 months ago. The day I found out we were expecting I experienced overwhelming joy followed by overwhelming anxiety. Many times during the first trimester I had to give the pregnancy over to God minute by minute, and some days I have to admit I had very little peace despite my resolve to trust Him with our family. My anxiety was compounded by the fact that it seemed every 2 weeks something happened to shake my faith a little more. First, it was the lack of morning sickness. With the last pregnancy I was ill from the beginning. With this pregnancy, the "all day illness" did not start until eight weeks. Just when I started "feeling pregnant," I started spotting. After an emergency ultrasound, they confirmed everything was alright even though my nerves were shaken every day as I continued to spot for 2 weeks. That spell was followed by dropping hormone levels and then another episode of spotting. I am now approaching 14 weeks, and the doctors have assured me that everything is going perfectly. (In my head I am thinking - if this has been perfect I would hate to see complicated.) I am thankful that through it all the Lord has continued to assure me. Often times I would just find myself saying over and over. "The Lord gives and He takes away so blessed be the name of the Lord."

I am finally starting to relax in being pregnant. Of course, there are plenty of stresses considering Mike is graduating in May, and we have no idea where God is calling us. I am doing my best to give that to Him as well.

In addition to being a little crazy, this pregnancy thing has given me quite and education. I am very fortunate to have several close friends and family members in a similar stage as me. Either they have just had kids or are pregnant but farther along than me. When I start to get overwhelmed with things like Boppi's, maternity clothes, "hooter hiders," "travel systems" (and no this in not a car - it is a stroller), and nursing bras, I have plenty of people to talk to.

All things above said, I am thrilled about this next phase of life and I am doing my best to enjoy all the changes as they come.

What is God doing?

2008-01-22T22:04:00.000-05:00

What is God doing?
Stephanie and I have been praying lately that God would reveal to us what he has up his sleeve, and it might be something that we could never have possibly anticipated. During a conversation I was having with my wife, it was mentioned that if I was not able to find a position with a church or with a campus ministry, then maybe I would teach for a year or so. It seemed like a good idea, and we both agreed that it would work if God led us to that point. Soon after that conversation, Stephanie had a conversation with her friend Melissa in which she told Melissa about our conversation. Melissa promptly responded that we should come and teach at the school that her husband Adam has been teaching at for the past couple of years. Stephanie passed that on to me, and I was not opposed to the idea. A few days later, Adam relayed to us a position opened up at the school that requires an ordained pastor. The person in this position would plan and direct chapels and also spiritually mentor the students. What a great position! As of this week, I put in my application to this position. The way that Stephanie and I have been feeling God directing us as of late is that if I am offered the position, we will most likely take it. But we will wait and see what God is doing.
Oh, did I mention that the position is near Teguchigalpa? Yeah. That's right. Honduras.
What is God doing?

My 15 seconds of fame

2008-01-19T07:31:00.001-05:00

Well it is official. I unsuspectingly had my 15 minutes of fame as I was walking out of the Mount Dora Library yesterday. A couple of DVDs that I had requested were on hold for me. I was busting my tail to get in and out of the Library so that I could get home and surprise my pregnant wife. She wasn't expecting to see me until she was already asleep in bed for the night, but my class got out early and I decided to make the hour-long drive home, surprise her, spend the next half hour with her, and then drive an hour back to Oviedo. The things you do for love.

Anyways, so I pull up to the Library, and I notice signs announcing that it is an early polling place. Florida's primary is coming up on the 29^th of January, and people can vote early if they want to avoid the chaos of an election day. As I near the entrance, I see a camera crew. Hmm. Interesting. Some goofy looking guy with long grey hair is joking around with them and you can tell he wants to get on TV. I park my car, and I see a large satellite truck parked in the grass behind the building. What I noticed about it was that it wasn't some local station's truck. It had no obvious markings on it. It was simply very non-descript, so I was wondering who these people were and where they were from. As I am walking up to the entrance, a retired couple passes me excitedly talking about how they just go interviewed, and in my head I'm thinking about what I should do to avoid the camera crew and just do my business. So I pull my hat down, put an "I'm in a hurry, and I mean business" look on my face, and plow ahead into the library.

Once I am safe inside, I get what I came for and quickly head back out. The crew is still there, and they are blocking my way to the parking lot. My only hope of avoiding them is to have someone already talking to them as I pass. No such luck. As I am trying to brush past them quickly, the reporter asks me if he could talk to me. Everything in me wants to say "Sorry. I'm in a hurry." But what comes out of my mouth is "I didn't vote…" I assumed they were doing a story on people who were voting early. Wrong. "Oh, that's ok. We'd like to talk to you anyway." For some reason I uttered "Ok" instead of "Sorry, I have to get home to my beautiful wife." I don't know what I was thinking.

So he begins by asking me questions about what issues are important for me as I am choosing a political candidate. Seeing as I view myself as slightly well informed on things (I have been known to listen to a little talk radio from time to time, and I try to keep up on the news), I was able to list things like national defense, the war in Iraq, the economy because I am a conservative and um…uh…I think…uh…something …you know, the typical answers. Then he starts probing a little and asking about the economy. I talk a little about people warning that a recession is coming and I mention the speech that Bush gave yesterday about giving the economy a shot in the arm. I'm feeling impressed with myself because I feel like I kind of know what is going on. I say something to the effect that I think it is important to put money back in the hands of taxpayers to give our economy a boost. I thought it was pretty slick, and I was impressed with myself.

Well, after seeing the clip, I wasn't feeling so impressed with myself. It turns out that God has a sense of humor. He knows that I struggle with arrogance and pride, so instead of allowing me 15 minutes of fame, he cut mine back to 15 seconds. And instead of sounding extremely intelligent, he made me sound …um…uh…um…well, you get the picture.

Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

2008-01-08T11:33:00.000-05:00

Steph is pregnant!
There it is. The cat is out of the bag. We have been trying our best to keep it on the down low, just to make sure that everything is ok before we make the announcement. We have told a few people under the condition that they be fervently praying for our little one. Since the word is getting around now (I won't name any names as to who might have let the cat out a little early) and Steph is pretty much out of the danger zone, it is time to officially make the news public.
Also, we need prayer because we had a little scare yesterday. Steph got test results back yesterday that were cause for concern. In fact, the PA at the OBGYN's office said that it could be alarming. A stress-filled, prayer-filled, tear-filled day ensued. Our fears were put to rest with an ultrasound where we saw our beautiful baby and his/her beating heart, happily bouncing around in mommy's belly. Our tears of fear were turned to tears of joy.
Today, we went to the OBGYN and everything is fantastic. Nothing to worry about. We even got to hear our baby's heartbeat! It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.
So everything is ok, but we still would ask for your prayers. That is the condition that we have had for telling people: once you know about Stephanie being pregnant, you are now under obligation to pray. So please fulfill your new obligation. We certainly need it and would appreciate it immensely.

Pray for peace in Kenya

2008-01-06T22:54:00.000-05:00

I don't know if any of you have been following what has been going on in Kenya recently, but from what I have been reading and seeing on the news, it looks pretty bad there right now. Many people have died due to violence after their recent elections because the results are disputed and people think that the election was rigged, according to my understanding. It is just sad to see so much corruption, violence, and death.
Having spent almost 6 months in Kenya when I was in college, there is a very special place in my heart for the country and its people. Ironically, Kenya has typically been viewed as one of the most stable countries in Africa after it gained its independence back in 1963. However, peace is being held hostage as people protest the results of the election. Please pray for the nation as a whole and for the people specifically. During the passing of the peace in church today, our pastor mentioned that we need to be praying for peace ot reign on the earth, especially in placed like Kenya right now. If you have a moment, pray for peace, not only in Africa, but around the world.

2008-01-05T10:37:00.000-05:00

I just thought that I would share with all of you a map of our favorite running route. I'm going to try and run this route 3 times a week, so pray for me! It's so easy to say I'm going to do it. It is another thing to actually do it!

From Home
Find more Runs in Mt Dora, Florida

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

One can not really be considered a "blogger" unless they blog about their New Year's resolutions, can they? I think it might be number 6 or 7 of the Blogger Ten Commandments: "Thou shalt not let a New Year's Day go by without blogging about thy New Year's Resolutions."

This year, I haven't made a ton of new resolutions because my resolutions rarely make it out of the first week of the New Year. I am renewing some old resolutions though. Once again, I am resolving to read the Bible through in a year. I've only officially done it once, although I've resolved to do it every year for the past however many years. This year, I have a partner in crime: my beautiful wife Stephanie. In order to bolster the spiritual aspect of our marriage, we are going to be following the same track for our devotions. This way, we can share with each other things that we are learning in the passages that we are reading. We can even read some together. How about that? Reading the Bible together.

I've also resolved--in a vague, unquantifiable way, which is usually tough to resolve to do--to be more reflective. My journaling and blogging have been down in the past year. I was looking back at some of the blogging that I have done, and it is mostly pictures and "this is what we did this past weekend." I know that my family likes to see the pictures, but I've gotten away from really reflecting on life like I have done in the past.

2008 looks to be a year with big changes in the life of Stephanie and I, and I look forward to writing about it. So to those of you who used to check up on the blog more often than you do right now, come back often. I hate to disappoint people, so if you haven't heard from me in a while, call me out!

So, to all our family, friends, and people we don't know who might stumble across our blog: we love you all very much. May God bless you all in 2008.

ARUBA!

2007-12-24T13:57:00.000-05:00

Here are the best of the best pictures that we took from Aruba!
We had a great time while we were there. We went off-roading, snorkeling, swimming in the Natural Pool, and enjoyed some much needed relaxation. I got to do some pleasure reading (The Kite Runner and Playing for Pizza and most of The Weight of Glory)and Stephanie and I both caught up on our sleep. And we ate very well!
Thanks Mom and Bill for a great trip!

Update on Life

2007-11-25T23:08:00.000-05:00

Life for Stephanie and I seems to be busy as of late, but I guess that isn't so unusual, especially in the holiday season. We just got back from a great trip to Chicago to see my folks for Thanksgiving. Thursday consisted of church in the morning (must be a midwest thing because none of the churches anywhere else seem to have a service on Thanksgiving), an amazing dinner cooked by my mother and assisted by Steph, an afternoon of catching up with my good buddy Drew Durdin, and an evening of nieces, nephews, and Catch Phrase.
On Friday, Stephanie and I, along with Tim and Sarah Boer, hitched a ride on the train and spent the afternoon and evening downtown Chi-town. We witnessed the lighting of the tree (which his actually 113 trees made to look like one giant tree), and walked our freezing little behinds up to Pizzeria Due for a classic meal of Chicago-style deep dish pizza. Tim and I had a slice and a half and the ladies just had one slice a piece. You always think that you can eat more than just a slice, but there is just no way.
Our flight back home to Orlando left Saturday evening, but before we left, my parents, Stephanie and I celebrated a little Christmas together. Since we won't be able to spend the holiday together, it was nice to be there when we opened up the gifts for each other.
Now we are home and relaxing before another busy week. We are putting our house on the market tomorrow, so if anyone wants to buy some investment property in Mount Dora, just give us a call. Better yet, if you know of someone looking for a great 3/2 near a lake, let us know.
I am in the process of sending out resumes and MDF's (Ministerial Data Form) to various churches for positions, so please say a prayer for us. We don't know where God is calling us at this point, but we are confident that he will guide us in the right direction.

GodTube

2007-11-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine introduced me to Godtube. This is a powerful skit. It really portrays the fight between the flesh and spirit. Check it out.
Steph

Part of the Family

2007-11-06T08:36:00.000-05:00

I was listening to the radio yesterday to a person who had just published a book chronicling the time when he and his family had to put to sleep their dog that they had rescued from a shelter. It got me thinking about how much I love our two dogs, Jet and Avery. I get upset with them every once in a while like when they chew on something that they aren't supposed to, but I can't help but love them and I can't imagine life without them at this point. They are truly members of the family. Every morning now, I get up and take them out and afterwards, they both are just itching for me to pet them and scratch them all over. I love it. Even Jet, the serious momma's boy, can't wait for me to show him some love every morning. And don't even get me started on how excited they are to see us when we get home. Gotta love it.

Latest Sermon

2007-10-25T16:48:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone. I would love your feedback on my latest sermon. You can listen to it here, and let me know what you think, either good or bad. I will not be offended if you hate it, and I could use some constructive criticism! Enjoy!

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eSnips Social DNA

A day in the life of Mike Fennema

2007-10-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

This is a post inspired by the great Ethan Pitsch who I am extremely jealous of right now. I thought that I would give you all a peek into a typical Tuesday in the life of Mike Fennema:

Starting the day of with John Frame and Apologetics to the Glory of God at 4:30 am.

Cooking the turkey bacon for me and my beautiful wife.

Quiet time with the whole family!

Saying goodbye to my sweetheart (I won't see her again until I climb into bed tonight with her already asleep)

On my hour-long drive to 10 am class.

The beautiful landscape I have the privilege to view for an hour.

Finally...RTS

Typing out notes during class.

Steve Brown teaching Communication 2

Lunch break errand: Bank of America. I had to get a Money Order for that which I would rather not talk about

Back to the Apologetics homework during lunch break (by the way, I bumped into Dr. McKenzie in the hall as I was getting my lunch, and he said to me "Hey man. Got your lunch, huh?"...It was awesome.)

The feeling of just sitting through four hours of class (if it wasn't for Steve Brown and his stories, I might have gone crazy)

Finishing off a sermon for Com Lab in the UCF Student Union while waiting for RUF to start at 8 pm.

RUF!

The long drive home, and trying to stay awake...(just kidding by the way...that was a posed shot)

Home Sweet Home

Finishing up the Blog Post

And finally...with my wife in our bed...sorry to disappoint you all. And what a day it has been. I'm ready to do it all again tomorrow!

The Day in Review:

Relaxing in New Smyrna

2007-10-14T16:58:00.000-05:00

Steph and I were able to relax with Grammie and Paw Paw this weekend in New Smyrna. Here are some pictures for you all to make you jealous...

Also, here are pictures of our anniversary trip to St. Augustine:

And finally, here are a couple of pictures of our wedding pictures, take 2:

Our First Year, part 1

2007-09-28T08:45:00.001-05:00

Well, it is hard to believe, but Stephanie and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary. And what a year it has been! Here is a slideshow that I put together of our first year. It is in two parts because its about 20 minutes long. Enjoy!

Our First Year, part 2

2007-09-28T08:44:00.001-05:00

Quite a month

2007-08-10T20:13:00.000-05:00

It certainly has been quite a month to say the least. Ever since we got back from Chicago--which seems like forever ago--life has been really odd. And by odd I simply mean hard to imagine, explain, fathom...I think you get the picture. For those of you who don't know, we found out that we lost the baby, and it has been a difficult time. There traces of the sun shining down through the clouds, but for the most part it has seemed like a West Michigan winter down here in Mount Dora (for those of you unfamiliar with the weather in West Michigan, it is overcast from October through March...kind of depressing).
I want you all to know how much we have appreciated your support through your prayers, cards, flowers, and kind words. As we have tried to tell as many people as we can, we can truly feel the love of God through all of you. Thank you for putting that on display for us.
In the midst of sorrow, good things have happened. Steph and I are very excited about being accepted by RUF to move on in their process for campus ministry! If a presbytery approaches RUF and is looking for someone like me for their campus ministry, RUF will give them my name. Hopefully, good things will happen from there! Steph and I are not guaranteed a position with RUF, but they think that I have what it takes to me a campus minister! People like me! Yeah! In reality, I am quite positive that it was Steph that swayed their decision. She was there throughout the whole interview process, and she was great. I take that back...she IS great, not WAS great. She is amazing, and I am blessed to be called her husband.
If you want to read the (rather lengthy) sermon that I preached for the assessment, here it is. It is also located in the post below this one!
Thank you again for all your prayers and the love that you have shown us. It has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

RUF Assessment Sermon

2007-08-10T19:50:00.000-05:00

The following is the sermon that I preached for the RUF Assessment in Atlanta last week. It was a little harrowing because I had not actually preached in front of people before. To be critiqued by people who I hope to be working with in a year was a little nerve-racking, but God, our Great King, is faithful in his protection and care of his servant (if you don't know what i'm talking about, give it a read...)

Please turn with me in your Bibles to Deuteronomy 6:4-9. I want to read for you a passage that the Lord has been laying on my heart in the last month or so and share some insights that he has shown me.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9: Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (NIV)

I’ve been thinking a lot about love over the last couple of weeks. My wife and I have felt a lot of love over the past month, but I’ve also had times where I have questioned how much I am loved. Typically, such a drastic change in thoughts and emotions would trigger alarm bells in many people’s minds. It’s different though when tragedy is involved.

My wife and I find out a little over a month ago that the baby that we were so eagerly anticipating was not going to come. After a visit to the doctor and an ultrasound the next morning, we discovered that our baby that was supposed to be 12 weeks along was only the size of an 8-week old. And his heart was not beating. We were devastated.

My wife and I were married about 9 months ago, and we began our marriage planning when we would start a family. After about 6 months, God laid it on our hearts to stop over-planning our lives and simply trust him with the timing of our family. We prayed about it, and we gave it over to God. Literally, as soon as we gave it over to God we conceived. So much for the doctors who had told my wife that it might be hard for her to get pregnant!

We were warned over and over again about how common miscarriages were, and we took the warnings seriously. As time went on and things were looking good, we became less and less concerned. We got to the end of the first trimester and breathed a sigh of relief. Since most miscarriages happen during the first couple of months, we thought we were safe. Unfortunately, we were mistaken.

Losing a child that we did not know has been a bigger struggle than I imagined it would be. My wife and I will simply break down crying at random times. We’ve tried to do as much as we could to cope with the loss. We did not know if the child was a male or a female, but we wanted to give the child a name. So we gave the baby the name Christian. We also planted a tree in front of our house as a memorial of Christian’s short 8 weeks of life. These things have helped, and our family and friends have been incredibly supportive. Despite all of this, the last month has still been a struggle.

During this time, my mind keeps coming back to the concept of love. I have asked God many times about what love is. I’ve even had the audacity to ask him if he truly loved my wife and I. “Do you even love us God? If you really loved us, why did you let this happen?” I don’t think that he really needs to answer that question because in reality, he already has.

Thinking about God’s love for me eventually got me thinking about my love for God. Although it took me some time, I was able to feel myself growing closer to God through this event. I began realizing my dependence on him more and more. I could actually feel my love for him deepening in a strange way, and that made me happy. But that got me to thinking, “How much do I really love God? Do I love God consistently, or does my love for him waver? What does it really mean to love God?” All of these questions about love led me to our passage for this morning. Digging deep into this passage has helped me understand the concept of God’s love more fully, and it has shown me what God means when he tells us to love him.
For those of you unfamiliar with this passage, so much can be said about it. It is so incredibly deep and rich. In this passage, Moses is speaking to the people of Israel as they are on the brink of entering the Promised Land. Before they entered the land, God thought it best to take time to remind the people what God required of them. Right before this passage, Moses just got finished reiterating the Ten Commandments. With The Commandments still ringing in their ears, Moses gives them another commandment: “Love the Lord your God…” And don’t just kind of love him; love him with your whole heart, soul, and strength. In other words, Moses was saying to love God completely, with all you’ve got.

Most Christians know this verse as the “Greatest Commandment.” This was the commandment that Jesus quoted when the Pharisees try to trap him, asking him which commandment out of all of them was the greatest. Jesus simply responded “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38) I’m sure that Jesus smiled real big when he saw their dumbfounded and defeated expressions after he gave them the most perfect answer to their trick question.

I struggle with this passage. My struggle has to do with the fact that it gives us a command to love God. That just seems strange to me. How can someone command me to love them? How can anyone be commanded to love something? I can think of a multitude of things that no one could ever command me to love. I could never love cauliflower, or getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist, or even worse, I could never love the Boston Red Sox. Not even my wife could command me to love those things. It would even be hard to love something that I enjoyed—like reading, for example—if I was commanded to do it.

This struggle I have with this passage has to do with a deficiency of mine. And I don’t think that I am the only one who has this deficiency. I think a lot of people are probably just like me. First of all, I find it hard to love God completely and consistently. I love him occasionally, but quite often I don’t. My problem though is how I view love.

When I think of love, I would probably define it somewhere along the lines of having a deep affection for something. I get this sense of a deep, overwhelming feeling that you know is there but you can’t really describe it. I think of my wife and the love that I have for her. When I am with my wife Stephanie, I feel love, and it’s this feeling inside of me that I can’t describe. I feel it throughout my body and especially in my chest. My heart gets pumping. I get happy and excited and the adrenaline starts rushing through my body. That’s what I think of when I think of love.

There have been times in my life when I have felt something along the lines of that feeling toward God, but those times have been few and far between. I can remember experiencing that feeling one night during the summer of 1999. I had the amazing privilege of spending a single night on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. I spent the evening down by the water, watching the sun set, painting the sky in beautiful colors. A warm breeze was coming off of the water. I walked the shore thinking that my God and my Savior loved me so much that he himself came down and walked on these shores. That night, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of love for God.
My really weak definition of love is really not what Deuteronomy 6 is talking about. The concept of love is so much deeper than we typically imagine it. Love does involve a feeling, but it also involves so much more. Love is so deep that it actually incorporates all other virtues inside it. It’s so deep that the apostle Paul spends an entire chapter--I Corinthians 13—explaining what love is.
Although love is such a deep concept, Deuteronomy stresses one aspect of love that can often be overlooked, especially today. This is the aspect that I want to explore this morning.

This passage portrays loyalty as an important characteristic of love. Since the passage doesn’t make that explicit, how does this passage show loyalty as being an important aspect of our love for God? Easy. The context of course!
As I mentioned earlier, Israel is on the brink of entering the Promised Land. Because they are about to enter the land that God promised them and their ancestors before them, God wanted to make sure that they were going to do what they were supposed to when they got into the land. He wanted to renew the covenant that he had made with them back in the desert at Mt. Sinai.

Deuteronomy is a covenant renewal document written by Moses. It contains all the parts of a typical covenant that were made during this time. This passage falls underneath the heading of ‘stipulations’ within the document. In the stipulation section, God—the creator of the covenant—requires of Israel—the people with whom the covenant is being made—is laid out. Among other commands is the greatest command: Love God.

The question still remains, how does this mean that loyalty is part of love? Covenants in ancient times were between a great king and a party of lower standing. In every covenant, the stipulations were how the lower party was to show his loyalty to the greater king. In exchange for his loyalty, the greater king would offer his protection and his care.

In this covenant, God is the Great King. The people of Israel are the lower party. Therefore, this means that God is requiring his people Israel to love him in exchange for his protection and care. When we are talking about love in the court of the king, loyalty is inexplicably involved. In exchange for complete loyalty to him, God—the Great King—promises Israel—the lower party—to protect them and care for them. Thus we can see that a major aspect of the definition of love is complete loyalty to God.

Even though this passage is found in the Old Testament and was written so long ago, it applies to us even today. The promises to the people of Israel extend to those who have faith in Jesus, God’s son. His care and his protection are ours as well!
God is calling us to love him and to be loyal to him even today. The Israelites had a few amazing events in history to base their decision of loyalty on, but our decision to be loyal is based on things even greater: the life, death, and resurrection of the God’s Very Own Son! God by his very nature does not change. He is the same God then as he is now which means that if we do place our loyalty on him, we don’t have to be concerned about whether he will actually protect us and care for us. He always has, and he always will.

It is all well and good to talk in the abstract about love and loyalty, but what does that look like? How is that possible? Thankfully, our passage tells us how. On top of that, we have it modeled in none other that Jesus Christ himself.

Our passage says that “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” God knew that when his people got into the Promised Land, they were going experience all sorts of blessings, and they were going to forget about Him. They were going to forget about their Great King who had done such amazing things for them. He knew they were going to chase after foreign gods. So what did he tell them to do? He told them: “Take all these things that I’m telling and make them a part of your very being. Pass them on to your kids. When you get up in the morning, talk about them. When you’re running your errands, talk about them. When you’re sitting down enjoying a meal, talk about them. Create reminders for yourself so that you don’t forget. Put them in places where you’ll see them. Think about me whatever you are doing.”

Unfortunately, the people of Israel didn’t love God completely. They forgot, and they failed. And we all know how that worked out for them: exile. Assyria and Babylon conquered the Promised Land and deported a large chunk of the population. They simply couldn’t keep covenant with God. Neither can we, but we know of someone who did. Jesus did!

He loved God completely and perfectly. He is the greatest example of the deepest love for God and absolute loyalty to him. He remained loyal from the beginning to the very end, and was this was nothing short of amazing!. As Jesus kneeled praying in the Garden, he was under so much stress that he actually sweat drops of blood. He knew that if everything went according to his Fathers plan, he was about to die. But what did Jesus say? “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (Matthew 26:39). He was willing to be completely loyal to his Father.

Jesus showed us what it means to truly love God. He showed us absolute loyalty to God. He did what Israel could not. He did what we can not. And thank God that he did, because we would all be lost if it wasn’t for him.

So now what? What are we supposed to do now? The first thing that needs to be done is to have faith in Jesus. Because Jesus was loyal to God and died to satisfy God’s wrath, we have been given the ability to love God if we have faith in Jesus. So it starts with faith in Jesus.

If we have faith in God’s son, what does love and loyalty to God completely look like for us, 2000 years after Christ? Love and loyalty looks like Jesus life. Jesus life was lived in absolute love and loyalty that played itself out in absolute obedience to his father in heaven. I know that we as Reformed people get a little nervous when we talk about obedience to God’s law because we don’t want to fall into the trap of work’s righteousness. This could not be farther from work’s righteousness.

God did an amazing thing for us through his Son Jesus. He did what we could not and restored our standing before the Father. He took the wrath upon himself. Now out of gratitude, we have the opportunity of showing our love and loyalty to God by doing the things that he has asked us to do, for our good and for his glory.

Having this perspective has helped me in this last month. Knowing that love for God is more than my “feelings” toward him, has been a huge comfort. There were times when I did not like God, and there were days when I was down right angry with him. But God has reminded me time and time again that he is a God of love. He has reminded me that he is a God that does not change. He has even showed me that he knows what it is like to suffer through the death of a child. It has been tough, but my love for God has deepened during this time because God has showed me more of what love is. And even though we deal with pain and suffering, because of our faith in God’s son, we can have gratitude for what God has done. And because of this, we have no greater calling than being obedient to God, utterly loyal to him, and loving him with all of our heart, all our soul and with all our strength.

Amen.

Who goes to bed at 8:30?

2007-06-06T20:30:00.001-05:00

My wife does, that's who.
I can't believe how crazy that is. By the time that she gets up around 6 tomorrow morning she'll have almost 10 hours of sleep under her belt. Almost 10 hours!! I can't remember the last time that I actually got 10 hours of sleep. It was probably when I was in high school. Its not that I can blame her though. Apparrently, that is what happens when you're pregnant! That's right everybody! Stephanie is pregnant! She is only about 9 weeks along, so it is still fairly early on, and she should be due sometime in the middle of January or so.
I can not even begin to describe how excited we are. This is truly a miracle. Stephanie and I had talked about our family planning, and the Lord really laid it on our hearts that we were over-planning to the point that we were not relying on God. Amazingly, God showed us immediately that he wanted us to start raising up a covenant child. We were caught off guard, but not surprised. Ocassionally, God has a way of vividly showing his will, and Stephanie and I could not be more excited. We look forward to sharing our buddle of joy with all of you.
With this great news brings a great need for prayer. Please pray for Steph as she experiences the joys and the sorrows of pregnancy. We also ask you to pray for our child as s/he develops. We are not going to find out deliberately what we are going to be blessed with, but it will probably be tough not to find out.
Thank you in advance for your prayers. We appreciate them, and we appreciate y'all!

a picture says a thousand words, but it can never says enough

2007-05-10T19:10:00.000-05:00

It's been said that a picture says a thousand words. If that's the case, please take a look at the over 50 thousand words worth of pictures that I posted on our photo site. These are just mere smattering of the pictures that were taken. Even though I am growing to love photography and the stories that a picture can tell, these pictures can not do justice to even beginning to describe our trip. I will blog more about it in the future as we adjust back to life in the good ol' US of A.
Thank you for all of you who were praying for us. The prayers were needed and felt. Honestly. Thank you. To those of you who took care of our pups while we were gone, we can't thank you enough. Sincerely. Thank you. To those of you who supported us financially, your generosity has gone and will go farther than you can possibly imagine. From the depths of our hearts, we thank you.

Enjoy the thousands of words.

Tanzania

Abject Poverty

2007-04-27T07:01:00.000-05:00

An 80 year old father who struggles to raise his 11 year old daughter because his wife died. A 17 year old with polio who his parents abandoned. A boy who couldn't go to school because his family could not afford a uniform. Four children under the age of 6 who were home alone while their mother worked. The father abandoned the family.
These were four of the families that I visited yesterday. A reporter from Deutschewelle radio in Germany is here in Tanzania doing a story on different programs and their effectiveness in East Africa. I got to tag along as she interviewed the different parents and children, and my heart has never been so broken. From my overly wealthy perspective, I don't understand how people could survive in these conditions, but they do. Seeing poverty consuming people awakes the desire to help from deep within a person. But when you look around and see person upon person and house upon house and village upon village of nothing but unimaginable poverty, your heart just crumbles from the weight of it all. What is a person to do? A small handout helps for a day, but what about tomorrow? Is another person with a little cash going to be around again?
What am I supposed to do? What does God want me to do? Say a prayer as I leave? Matthew 25 begs to differ. But where do I even begin?

Tanzania

The First Batch of Tanzania Pictures!

2007-04-24T13:28:00.000-05:00

Here you go everyone! Here is the first batch of pictures from Tanzania! Don't you worry, more will follow!
If you all out there wouldn't mind saying a little prayer for our group, we would appreciate it! We love you all!

Tanzania

Less than a week to go

2007-04-14T20:59:00.001-05:00

Well Steph and I are leaving for Tanzania in less than a week now. It's been kinda crazy round here the last couple of...well, the last couple of weeks to be honest. Ever since we got back from Colorado life has been busier than normal. Steph has been doing a ton of work for the trip that is coming up. She is basically doing all the administrative part of the trip on top of her current job. I guess in a sick and twisted way it is nice because it gives her something to do while I am studying. I seem to be studying so much lately that I feel like I am back in college with the wierd hours that I am keeping. I realized that I don't need a lot of sleep, but less than 6 hours is pushing it. I can do it once or even twice in a row, but then I need my beauty rest.
I wanted to give a big shout out to the people who have supported us for this trip. You are a blessing and an answer to prayer. The rest of you, don't worry, you are a huge blessing to us as well, and we love all of our family and friends!

With that said, here are somethings running through my brain this week:
I'm looking for a ministry opportunity to become involved in during this summer (and beyond if possible). Those of you who are warriors out there, please pray! If anyone has any great ideas, let me know!
The whole Don Imus thing this week has gotten me thinking about depravity and forgiveness. Where are we as Christians supposed to land?
It was proven today that room temperature Coke cools the quickest when placed in a cooler with ice and .... (drum roll please) rock salt! Who would have known? Drop it like it's...cold.
I've really enjoyed my devotions this week. How can one tell? Almost every line in my Bible has been underlined! It's great, but it makes devotions take longer. I've been reading the Psalms, and they have just been coming alive this week! It have been refreshed reading David pouring out his emotions in praise of our great God.
I did a bad thing this week. I made a friend that I haven't talked to in about four years look like an idiot. I guess he had it coming though. Helpful hint to all of you out there: if you talk to a friend you haven't talked to in four years, avoid the "So how's such and such girlfriend/boyfriend?" comment. The chance for backfire is just too high.
Ahh, so much more is going on, but I doubt anyone is still reading my ramblings. If I am not able to post before we go, we love you all! Please pray for us!
--Mike

Pray for your pastors (and their wives)

2007-04-06T12:08:00.000-05:00

A couple of meetings and an article that I read recently got me to think how much we all need to be in prayer for those who are ministering to us. I had the priviledge of meeting with two pastors for a while this week. One of them was Ande Johnson who is the pastor of RUF at UCF. Ande's a great guy and a new friend of mine who faces his share of challenges as a new RUF pastor. Later in the week, I met with the pastor of my church, Jeff Jakes. I've had the privilege of having Jeff not only for a pastor, but also for an older brother for the past three years or so.
Maybe it was just Holy Week, or maybe it is simply the life of ministry, but these meeting showed me that ministry is not easy and pulls a person in many directions at once. It showed me that these men really need our prayers. Not only them, but their wives and families too. I found an interesting article in Time the other day that show s just how much pastor's wives need prayer as well.
So when you are celebrating the resurrection of our Lord this weekend, don't forget to pray for your pastors!

Signing off for a while...

2007-03-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

First things first, there are some new pictures to check out, so please click on the the pictures you see below. Jet and Avery got another haircut, and like a pround papa, I can't help but post photos (no matter what Jeff Jakes thinks about my manhood). The second batch is a few pictures from a recent wedding that Steph and I went to in Fort Lauderdale. The scenery shots that you see were from our hotel room. It was beautiful.

Jet and Avery

Mike & Steph

Second, I'm signing off for a while. In one of the classes that I am taking right now there is a project that requires each person to give up some sort of technology for 4 weeks and then write a paper reflecting on it. I chose to give up my computer (except for email and necessary class research). I know that not blogging for the next 4 weeks won't be a huge change since I don't blog that much to begin with, but a lot will be going on between now and then. I will have a lot to update. I'll start with pictures from our trip to Colorado that is coming up soon! We can't wait! So, if you want to get in touch with me, you can do so, but only via email. And if you have a blog that I frequent, I am sorry, but your words will go unread until I am back. Just for kicks, I'll post my reflections so that y'all can read what--if anything--I learned.
Mike

Return of the Student's Life

2007-02-12T03:00:00.000-05:00

I am finally off to bed seeing that it is 3 am. I can't remember the last time that I was up studying for a final until 3 am, but that is the life of a student. And that life is back...with a vengeance. A final tomorrow. A quiz on a book due the next day. A paper due next Monday. More reading for Thursday. Thank goodness I don't have classes on Wednesdays!
Despite the bitterness that this is portraying, I love being a student again. My brain is being exercised again, and I feel like I am actually pursuing God's call in my life. It is terribly exciting.
I also have a new friend that I am terribly excited about as well. I purchased my first leather-bound Bible (thank you Justin, Jesica, Ashly, Josiah, Cara, and Matthias for your Christmas gift!). It's a brand-spanking new TNIV Study Bible that I am really loving right now. I know there is some controversy out there about gender inclusiveness (for and against), but since it is so late (now it's 3:10 am), I will reserve that debate for a post when I am a little more coherent. I just have to say that Dr. Bruce Waltke, my professor for my class in January on Judges through Poets (also on the Committee for Biblical Translation and worked extensively on the NIV), highly recommended it. Based on his explanations and his knowledge of original languages, he convinced me to check it out.
Anyways, time to join my wife in bed for a little 3 hour nap before I'm up and at it again! If anyone reads this on on Monday, February 12, say a little prayer for me and my final!

Bye Bye, Nana

2007-01-29T08:46:00.000-05:00

You were the picture of dignity and class until the end. You never complained about the lot you were dealt or the pain you must have been feeling as your once beautiful body was replaced as host for malignancy. Your life, Nana, was amazing. You graduated Magna Cum Laude in a time when a women’s roll was to raise a family and cook. You were a translator for the National Security Agency during Korean War intercepting and decoding messages in Chinese and Japanese, and these were not the only languages you mastered in your life – Spanish and French completed your linguistic talents. You met my Grandfather at the NSA, married him, and started a family. You raised two wonderfully bright children and you were devastated when your husband of nineteen years left you to be a single mother. You were bitter, but as always your tenderness and faith pulled you though. You were a wonderful grandmother, always gentle and never harsh. You were blessed in your later years with a second husband that loved you deeply, and you loved in return. You were transformed from a single working women living alone in her sixties to a vibrant new women, in love. When the Commander died you were sad but you continued to live life to the fullest. You were diagnosed with cancer and despite the six months prognosis, you lived two years. You never complained. You basked in the sun when Aunt Tammy took you to Hawaii last year, what a wonderful gift to experience such beauty on earth. You died with dignity and grace, with your mind and memory totally in tact. You are in heaven now with a new body, your soul and mind no longer bound to a broken vessel.

I will remember the Nana who loved to stay up until 2AM watching old movies and the home shopping network before she would start vacuuming. I will remember your strawberry shortcake that you would make for me every time I would come to visit. I will remember your faith, not always spoken, but always acted. I will remember that your mind, even when your body was frail and wasting, was sharp and your memory vivid as you often recalled to me stories of the past. I will remember how you loved to drink regular coke and eat snickers even after you were diagnosed with diabetes. I will remember our late night conversations while I was driving home from Orlando telling you about the man I would marry. I will remember how in the end you did not want me to come and visit because you did not want me to see you not well. I will remember how I wished you had let me join in your suffering even though I know you loved me too much to do so. Most of all, Nana, I will remember your life and I will tell my children about my Nana and what an amazing women you were.

Learning from Talladega Nights?

2007-01-13T07:46:00.000-05:00

So Steph and I watched "Talladega Nights" last night. Neither of us had seen it, but she had some friends at the hospital who either loved it or hated it, so we thought we'd give it a shot. The comedy was as anticipated: funny at times, a little crude at times, and sometime just plain dumb. It did make me laugh (the part where Ricky thinks he's on fire, and the cougar in the car, among others), but it also made me really uncomfortable (the kids before their reforming by their grandmother). Anyways, I was having my quiet time this morning, and a phrase from the movie popped into my head: "If you're not first, you're last." No, it doesn't make any sense, bu Ricky's dad told this to him when he was a kid. Ricky lives his entire life by this statement, and he actually becomes a highly successful driver until his world falls apart after a crash. Then everything falls apart: his career, his marriage, his friendship with his best friend (sort of...you have to see the movie to understand).
And here comes the redemptive part..the phrase just made me think of how Jesus has called us to live our lives: not seeking to be first, but striving to be last. Two passages came to mind. The fist was obvious. In Mark 10:35 , Jesus says "if anyone would be first, he must be last and servant of all" (ESV). But it also made me think of how Jesus showed his love for his disciples. He took on the duties of a servant, and he washed their feet (John 13:1-17 ESV).
I'm sorry, Ricky Bobby. You're story was entertaining, and it was heart-warming, but I'm not inspired. The words and actions of Jesus are inspiring. Now if I could only consistently follow what he says...

Avery's New 'Do

2007-01-09T15:54:00.000-05:00

It was finally time for Avery to get her first grooming...and boy did she need it. She was becoming one big fur ball. You could hardly even see her legs, and she was always getting her fur all dirty! Now look at how cute she is! and you can even see her eyes! Unbelievable!
(By the way, to see more pictures, either click here or click on the picture below, and it will take you to our photo album site!)

Jet and Avery

Weekend Project

2007-01-02T11:04:00.000-05:00

As you can see from the following pictures, Stephanie and I had fun paint the office over the weekend. I included an old picture so you can see how drastic of a change it is! I love it!

Pictures of our first Chirstmas!

2006-12-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

What is crazy is that Stephanie and I's first Christmas together is one in which we are married! Unbelievable! Here are some pics from our special day together.

Christmas

Steph got a little sick with a cold so we just hung out most of the day. We opened gifts, had a great dinner (bacon-wrapped filet mignon!), read the Christmas story, watched Field of Dreams, and fell asleep to Pirates of the Caribbean. It was a great day.
We hope that you all had a great day as well. We missed seeing everyone, and we wish we could have spent the holdiay with everyone one of you! We love you!
Peace,
Mike and Steph

A Great Christmas So Far...

2006-12-23T20:59:00.000-05:00

Our first Christmas together has been great for Steph and I so far.
We have an awesome Christmas tree...

...a great new coffee table...

...a fantastic desk...

...and a wonderful (when she's not peeing and pooping in the house or throwing up) new addition to the family...

And all of these were from our parents! Thank you so much! we love you all!

--Mike & Steph

History Lesson

2006-12-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

For my upcoming class at RTS called Judges to Poets, my first assignment is to write a critical review of a book entitled "A Biblical History of Israel." So far it has been fascinating because the authors begin talking about how people view the "history" that we find in the Bible, especially the beginnings of the Old Testament. So many people have written off the Bible as true history for a variety of reasons. The author then talks about the history of history and how since the Enlightenment, people have been more scientific about their approach to history. Prior to that, people were more concerned with philosophy than science. According to the author, historical stories were previously used as examples to teach lessons. Now we use history to prove facts.
As things have happened over the last day, I look back at the history of the Bible and the lessons that it can teach me. I'm especially reminded this morning of the Israelites journey from Egypt to the Promised Land. No matter what obstacles they faced, whether it was the Red Sea, no food, no water, or opposing people, God remained faithful and he took care of them. Since God is the same now as he is then, it doesn't matter if the baseboard in our bathroom is termite-infested or the new puppy is throwing up all over the place and has to go to the vet. God will remain faithful, and he will take care of us.

Christmas came early...

2006-12-04T10:19:00.000-05:00

...to the Fennema household. I guess Stephanie and I have been extra good to us because he decided that we should get a present 3 weeks before his normal drop-off date.

Jet and Avery

Avery is a beautiful mix between as shih tzu and a poodle. She is playful, loving, and very small. Her big brother doesn't know what to think of her quite yet, but we think that they will become the best of friends.

Our Tree

2006-12-01T23:16:00.000-05:00

Even though its was 85 degrees today, Steph and I got our first tree together. She is definitely the tree guru. She knows want she likes, and se knows what she wants. So that is what we got: a 8-9 foot frazier fir. It pretty full and pretty even, and it smells great.
Now comes the decorating. With Steph being swamped with work, the decorating will come in stages. Tonight was the lights (although we came up a strand or two short). As you can see, we had a little incident with the lights on the tree. They got so bright I thought they were going to explode and start the tree on fire! Just kidding!
There will be more updates as the tree takes shape!

Thanksgiving Weekend Pictures

2006-11-27T22:03:00.001-05:00

Here are some great pictures from the weekend. Steph and I had a great time except for the 14 hour drive home on Sunday. As you can see from the photo gallery, the weekend not only included more turkey than we could eat, it also invlolved hiking, a giant swing, a high ropes course, and the lights at Opryland Hotel.

Thanksgiving Weekend

And what would a Thanksgiving post be without something that I am thankful for? This year, I am most thankful for my beautiful wife. She is my best friend and the love of my life. I can not imagine my life without her in it. I love you, baby!

--Mike

Jet showing off his new hairdo (and his true colors)

2006-11-20T13:46:00.000-05:00

I love the before and after affect here. He is so adorable, and he's really starting to grow on me...especially after he showed me his true colors (he told me not to tell his mother)!

I'm more likely to do it, so I guess I should

2006-11-15T21:36:00.000-05:00

During the wedding, we played the shoe game. For those of you unfamiliar with this tradition, here's a brief explanation: The bride and groom sit on chairs, back to back so that they are not looking at each other. They each take off their shoes and hand one of their own shoes to the other person so that each person has one of each kind of shoe. Someone then asks them questions along the lines of "who is more likely to...." or "who was the first to...". Each person raises the shoe of the person who they think is the best answer to the question. This game is quickly turning into a staple at weddings, and it gets a laugh every time. Tons of fun.
Anyways, where am I going with this and a picture of John Calvin on this post? Funny you should ask. My good buddy Ethan was the one asking the questions at the wedding, and one question he came up with is as follows: "Who is more likely to read John Calvin's The Institutes of the Christian Religion cover-to-cover, multiple times?" Since Stephanie didn't exactly understand the signifcance of this particular masterpiece, the obvious answer was me. So we both raised my shoe in response to the question. Since we both thought that I was more likely to do it, I've decided to do it. So far, I've read about 50 or so pages, and it has been quite interesting and enlightening. Briefly, here are some things I have gleaned. Feel free to question, comment, or discuss. (Calvin, although pure genius, wasn't always right.)

I may have this wrong, but I am under the impression that Calvin argues that trying to understand the essence of God is futile because we will never be able to comprehend Him. Instead, we need to understand his works and his actions.

Also, he argues that creation (i.e. General Revelation) is enough for all people in all places to understand that God exists and to see his glory. Creation is too amazing to come to any other conclusion. He follows it up by saying that although we can see God in creation, it will never be enough for us to come to a redemptive knowledge of God. However, even though creation is not enough, we don't have an excuse for not knowing God in a redemptive way because this "not knowing" is bred out of ignorance which has its seeds in man, not in God. In other words, it's not God's fault, it's ours. The obvious argument it seems, though, is: aren't we God's creation? And shouldn't he be in control of both our knowledge and ignorance? If all knowledge comes from God, is it really our fault?
I don't exactly know how to answer that question yet, but I am sure that I will have an idea at some point. All I know at this point is that somehow and in some way, God is glorified in all of this. And if that is the case, then I'm ok with that.

"Let me tell you how he lived."

2006-11-08T22:20:00.000-05:00

So why is there a picture of Tom Cruise on our blog, especially in light of how he is perceived now? I'll tell you why. He made a pretty good movie not too long ago called the Last Samurai that I watched for the first time tonight. I am not going to write about the tradition of the samurai and what we can learn from it, although we could probably learn a lot. What I am going to comment briefly on is two quotes from the movie.

(drumroll please)

"We have to remember who we are and where we have come from." (or something close to that)

The emporer, who is portrayed as weak and cowardly throughout the movie, says this with about 10 minutes left to go in the flick. It is is one heroic moment in the whole movie. Here's my Biblical connection that you were all waiting for: the Israelites, when they were truly following the Lord as He intended, knew who they were and where they came from. How many feasts and festivals did they have to remember what God had done for them? And they knew exactly who they were: God's chosen people. As a member of God's chosen people Israel, do I remember who I am (or whose I am)? Also do I remember where I came from? Do I remember what it was like to not be a Christian? Do I remember how Christ, my mighty warrior, died for me?

Quote number two:

"Let me tell you how he lived."

This quote comes from the lips of the great Tom himself when the emporer asks him how Kosumoto (spelling?) died. Tom obviously felt it was more important the life that he lived. Argue this point: what was more imporant, the life Christ lived, or the death that he died? Like love and marriage, you can't really have one with out the other. His perfect life was so important, but also was his sacrificial death. Yes, he came to die, but you can't die without first living.

Intersting...

Here They Are!

2006-11-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Seeing as Ethan's latest post contained some pictures from the wedding, I figured it was time to actually post a few of them. In order to see them, just click on the Wedding link on the right under Photo Albums. It will take you to an outside site to view the pics. Enjoy!

Something is different

2006-10-20T21:26:00.000-05:00

The smallest change in life right now is probably with my blog...but I don't think that I can call it "my" blog anymore...with two little words ("I will," not "I do") this blog has become "ours," not just mine. But like I said, the change in this blog is probably the smallest change in my life.
So what hasn't changed? Lets see here...my love for baseball hasn't changed despite both the White Sox and Yankees having disappointing finishes. My fish, Buddy, is still alive. My CR-V is still running like a champ. I'm still loving everything about Orangewood. Other things are still the same, but a lot has changed.
I go to bed around 9 o'clock now and get up at around 4:30 or 5. Why, you might ask? Because of my beautiful wife. If she is up, I want to be up. If she's going to bed, I'm right there with her. I covet every moment with her right now, even if it's just curled up next to her, sound asleep. I'm even writing this while sitting next to her in bed as she sleeps. I think this is the first time I'm staying up while she is sleeping, but I'm still right by her side.
I don't have to worry about what I'm going to eat anymore. What to eat every day is such a task, and I'm glad that I (most of the time) don't have to worry about coming up with that anymore. On top of that, my lunches are made for me (almost) every day, complete with love note. How great is that? I always brag about it at work cause I think it's so amazing.
I have a house to do chores around. Wierd. Last week, it was fixing the fence and getting the water softener working. This week, its power washing anything and everything, including the whole exterior of the house. Lovin' it. Little projects and doing physical chores are great after working in front of a computer for 50 hours a week.
So far these changes are small compared to the huge changes of sharing my life wholly and completely with another person. Suddenly, I feel like I have a teammate, or an ally. That is such a weak analogy though. I suddenly have the deepest and most real relationship that I have never had the joy of sharing with another person (sorry Markus). I have someone who is always around (when not working, which is not often enough right now), who I don't get sick of. In fact, I miss my wife when I don't see her, and I get excited everyday on my ride home because I can't wait to see her again. I am loving this change in my life more than any other change I have ever experienced. It is truly amazing. It is a gift. A very precious gift. A very gracious gift. One I don't deserve; therefore, one I am so thankful for.

So a toast (raise your glasses please): To the best change in my life. My wife. My best friend. You are beautiful and deep and mysterious and enchanting. I love you with all my heart. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you. How did I ever become so blessed?

Here, here.

Pictures!

2006-10-17T13:42:00.000-05:00

I love pictures, and so does my wife. I have never been able to effectively provide my family and friends with enough pictures that I have taken. I think I might have been able to finally overcome that due to a website that I found. So far so good, but we shall see.
Please check out the Photo Albums in the right column. So far, I have posted honeymoon pictures (PG ones), and other pics from when my wife (I love saying that word) and I were merely dating. More will be coming, including wedding pics! Stay tuned!

How Excited Am I?

2006-09-20T04:37:00.000-05:00

For Melissa...

2006-09-19T21:34:00.000-05:00

Change is the order of the day, and it is coming along in a crazy, busy way. And it seems that nothing can bring about bigger change than a wedding. Wedding equals life right now, and it is hard to concentrate on much else, even while at work. I guess it is understandable since it is 4 days from today.
It is crazy to think of how much change being married is going to bring. I've lived with plenty of other people before, and I've shared rooms with people. But I have never shared a bed with someone, in fact, I still sleep in a twin bed! I've never bee responsible for a house before. I've never been responsible for a person before!
Amidst all the change about to come, the Lord is good and he remains a constant. I am really trying to soak in the last week. I want to remember it well and with fondness. I also want the Lord to really use this last week of "freedom" to understand him more fully. I'm praying that the Lord works in my life and turns me into a very Christ-like husband and eventually father...

As long as I have the time...

2006-07-25T19:42:00.000-05:00

With my beautiful fiancé in Destin for the week, life has slowed somewhat and I actually have time to reflect on this life that I've been living. With wedding planning, work, errands, sleep, life, friends, commitments and so much more, there just hasn't seemed to be time to stop and think about what is going on. And what is going on? Only the biggest changes of my life. Let's start with this cute little guy at my feet. Jet is (supposed) to be a Havanese, but I think he's a sh*tzu. And in a couple of weeks (less than 9), I'm gonna be his dad. I've never had a dog before. With me dog-sitting this week, I actually am excited about coming home and having him be so excited to see me with his tail a waggin' and jumpin' all over me. I've never had that before, and I think I kind of like it. He still favors his mother, but so do I, so I guess I can't complain.
Also, I might be moving to Mount Dora soon. Yikes. I've never lived so far out in the sticks since I lived over an hour by bus away from Nairobi, Kenya. Pray that God provides a buyer and also a perfect place for us to buy here in Orlando. Added stress to everything else going on.
Oh, and did I mention that it is less than 9 weeks until the wedding? Holy shnikees. That is coming up quick. If I even started to talk about the changes in my life because of that, I'd write a blog so long that no one would read it. It's not like I want to fill up my blog with tons of useless stuff like picture after picture of doors or something inane like that. I want to keep my audience (if there is one anymore since I never update) interested. And hopefully you are.

So briefly, here is what I've been reading lately: Piper's "Future Grace." What I am getting out of it so far (after hte first 4 or 5 chapters) is this: past, present, and future are very important in the life of a Christian, but so often, we dwell on the past, and live the present, without realizing the impact that God has on the future because of the past and present. Our response to the past is usually one of gratitude (for me recently, it is "Thank you God for helping me pass my online traffic school class so I don't have to retake the test."), and rightfully so. But when facing you future (shout out to all you FYFers who might read this...if you have no idea what I am talking about, nevermind), understand that the grace that God extended in the past will permeate the present and completely fill the future. What happens to anxiety? Out the window! What happens when you're faced with a major decision about leaving a CV Surgery practice that you felt called to move to Florida in order to work for? How do you approach that? Looking back on God's grace in your life helps you to understand his grace in the present and allows you to have faith in his grace for the future. (And praise God that he made that decision clear today!)

I'm excited to learn more of what the Pipester has to say, and if anything worth sharing comes along, I'll drop you all a line...

Peace.

Check it out...

2006-07-19T12:03:00.002-05:00

A buddy of mine (props out to Timothy Boer) turned me on to his website that if you like music, you should check it out:

www.pandora.com

All you do is type in an artist or a song, and it plays songs that are similar in style. It will play songs that you know, and some that you have probably never heard of, so if you like to hear new music, check it out. And the part that this Dutch boy likes the most about the site...it's free.
I put a sidebar with some of the random stations that I have created, so check it out.

...oh, and for the faithful who check my blog everyday and haven't seen an update in what seems like a decade, i'm sorry. I love you all, but its not my fault. Blame my beautiful blonde bride-to-be for taking up all of my time...

Peace.

The Greatest Post Ever

2006-06-05T11:04:00.003-05:00

Monday, May 29, 2006
After a long weekend on call, with many hours spent at the hospital, I arrived home mid-afternoon to find Mike at my house being his typical wonderful self and keeping my puppy jet company and cleaning up my newly renovated kitchen in preparation for what I though was going to be an evening of just “hanging out” and relaxing. After a short nap on the couch while Mike enjoyed some baseball he told me I better go freshen up as we had dinner reservations shortly. I prepared for what I thought was going to be a nice dinner in downtown Mt Dora and walked out of my room ready to go to the car. Mike in his ever so gently –slow down baby way- suggested that we take a walk down to the dock by my house before dinner to watch the sunset. Totally unsuspecting, I agreed.

As we approached the dock with the evening breeze blowing the long rushes and the lake in the background with just a slight chop, I saw a beautiful picnic presentation on the dock. There was a picnic basket equipped with china and silverware, 3 roses the size of Washington apples in a vase next to a bottle of Riesling chilling in a silver ice box. It was gorgeous, and still I had no I idea that the man I loved intended to propose that night. We enjoyed our dinner, well at least I did. Mike was not hungry for some reason. The sun was setting, and we made our way back to house. As we approached the front door, I could see through my front windows the distinctive glow of candles in darkness. I opened the door to one of the most beautiful scenes of my life. It will forever be burned in my memory. There were over 200 candles lit all over the room and white and red rose petals scattering the floor. It was breathtaking. As I stood in amazement, Mike turned on Frank Sinatra and took my hand to dance among the lights. We danced and chatted a few minutes, and while I do admit the thought of a proposal entered my mind I was certain it would not be coming because he had not met my father yet. Mike led me to the couch and as Frank died down in the background Mike started to play a different CD. I sat on the couch in wonderment watching a slide presentation on his computer with pictures of us scrolling by as if in time with the music playing. The song was “I’ll Be There For You” or as some of you may know better the Friends theme song. After the first few measures of the song the music softened a little and Mike’s voice cut in over the music. For the next 16 minutes He intermittently interrupted the music reading journal entry’s of important moments in out relationship. He talked about our first date, the first time he held my hand, and the first night that we talked about spending our lives together. I really started to get choked up when Mike read the entry of when he and my sister Brittany went shopping for my engagement ring totally unbeknownst to me. I know you all may think I am dense, but it was not until that moment that I truly knew he would propose that night. Shortly after that entry Mike describes how he called my father and asked him for permission for my hand in marriage. I lost it – I was overcome with joy and surprise. Mike also mentioned in that entry that he called my best friend Jessica just to keep her in the loop which helped the tears to flow even more. As I pulled myself together and the slide show ended Mike took my hand and led me to the center of the room next to a huge bouquet of red roses. He got down on one knee and gave me a proposal speech that no woman could refuse. He told me he loved me, which he had never done before and then asked “Will you marry me?” I replied emphatically with great enthusiasm “Yes, one thousand times over, YES!” It was incredible.

I am so honored to be marrying this wonderful man. He is a blessing from God, and one that I do not deserve. I love him and can not wait to marry him. I can’t stop smiling. Every time I look at my ring, I am reminded of the joy he has brought to my life.

As my father said in regard to his proposal, I applaud his technique. I could not have asked for a more meaningful proposal for marriage from the one I love. The final piece of the story came after the proposal and acceptance on my part. After I said yes Mike took a ring that looked as if it was designed from my imagination from his pocket and placed it perfectly on my finger.

Thank you to all of you who helped in making this such a special day (Ethan and Amy). I look forward to being able to participate in Mike’s blog on a more regular basis.

--Stephanie

Exciting Times...

2006-06-04T00:18:00.000-05:00

Just to let everyone who has been dying for an update, it will be coming soon. Exciting things have been happening lately in life, but I just don't feel like I can adequately describe events that have happened lately. So...i'm bringing in a guest writer. Hopefully this person will make frequent guest appearances in the future. Be on the lookout!

Long Time in Comin'

2006-04-20T22:24:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to put some of these up for a while, but I was waiting for the right time. You never want to do it too quickly, but after this weekend, I think that it's ok.
For those of you who don't know the beautiful woman in the picture with me, her name is Stephanie Kirkpatrick and she is nothing short of amazing. We've been kind of seeing each other the last coupla months, and what can I say? I think the pictures say it all. She met the fam last week, and I haven't interogated each of them personally, but I do believe she "passed" with flying colors. How could she not? My father's words to her as we were leaving are the perfect indication: "...you are welcome back her anytime, with or without Mike." Thanks dad....seriously. Thank you.

And the winner is...

2006-03-31T00:26:00.000-05:00

Honestly, I don't think that anyone really had a chance to take the prize from this person. Others may have thought they were clever or witty, but any post by this person would have taken the cake. And in all fairness, I do believe that this person's post was the best, I'm not choosing him because he's my dad.
And here is your recognition...(everyone raise your drinks...)
Here's to a man who has consistently shown me the way; who has shown me the value of hard work, and what it means to love one's wife more than one's own self. Here' to a man who has always been there, who has always provided, always encouraged. He may have yelled a little too loud at sporting events, but that's how you knew that he loved you. Since I can remember, he has been a rock in my life, someone that I can turn to for advice, for guidance, and to tell me what to do and calm me down after an accident. He quitely goes about his business, not needing recognition, but he's getting it now. Thank you for the way you have shown your love to me throughout my life, and most importantly, thank you for showing me what it means for my father, whether it be my heavenly or earthly one, to care for me and want the best for me. I am unashamed that to say that I love you. And if I turn out just like you, it will be a life well lived...
...and based on this picture, I think I might turn out to look exactly like you since the only way that I can tell that is you in the picture instead of me is that I have never looked quite so distinguished.
Dad, thanks again for a great weekend. Please come again soon.

Analogy Time

2006-03-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

If anyone out there reads my blog (and I'm sure its probably about 3 people), here's a little activity for you. Take a look at this picture of me and my dad (I'm sorry that the picture is not so great. I had to brighten it up manually because the lighting was poor.). The person who can come up with the best analogy wins a prize and recognition on my blog! Woah! That's big time.

Oh Happy Day!

2006-02-27T23:00:00.000-05:00

For the second time since I have been in Florida, my dad is coming to visit. I am terribly excited! It is going to be a boy's weekend! Anybody who wants to join us for bbq on Saturday night, just let me know! Either Smokey Bones or O'Boys! Once you'll meet my dad, you'll understand a little bit better why I am the way that I am! (in a good way, of course!)

Some things just need to be reiterated...this is one of those things...

2006-02-08T23:29:00.000-05:00

Slow down, you move too fast,
You've got to make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobble-stones,
Lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy
Feeling groovy
Hello lamp-post,
What's cha knowing,
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me,
Do-it-do-do, feelin' groovy
Feeling groovy
I've got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me
Life I love you,
All is groovy

The Music of My Mind

2006-02-04T11:56:00.000-05:00

Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight
Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how You've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery

Looking back You know
You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky
Now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Looking back I can finally see
How failures bring humility
I'd rather have wisdom and pain
Brings me to my knees
Than be a comfortable old fool
Helps me see my need for thee

Looking back on my road thus far, my journey has left its share of scars, mostly from leaving the narrow and straight. Looking back it is clear to me that I am more than the sum of my deeds. And how He's made good of this mess I've made is a profound mystery. Looking back I see how you brought me through all that I was so afraid of.
Now that I am once again looking ahead in my life, the questions return. I am trying to use the past to shape the future, but I so often see my past as what not to do in the future. It's like I am still trying out all the options, knowing that the few that I have tried in the past don't work, but there are still so many options to try before I figure out which is the right one.
I think my biggest struggle always seems to be figuring out how I know that an opportunity is good for me or not. More than that, I struggle deciphering between something that is good, and something that is the best. Patience is not my fortay (did I spell that right?). What to do, what to do, what to do? Good is ok, but the things that are the best are what I really want to hold out for and really gradb onto when they come? I think I settle a lot thinking that the best might not come along so I grab onto the good that is right in front of me. What to do? And then the question comes up, what if I become so obsesses with waiting for the best, that it passes me by and I have to settle for the good again? Scary thought.
I guess from here on out, I can pray (when I do pray, that is. I'm trying to work on that.) that God reveal to me his best and for me to take advantage of His best when he places it in front of me. I've heard that when we pray, God answers. Can I get a witness?

i'm a mess...

2006-01-20T23:37:00.000-05:00

so i'm sitting here in my dining room in my boer bennink shorts, a long-sleeved army-green shirt, and one sock (don't ask). my hair's a mess, my contacts are still in, i'm as tired as all get out (in fact i just got up from a brief and unexpected nap that snuck up on me while i was reading the davinci code just a minute ago). i'm not even using my own computer (thanks wes). it is nearing midnight and i should have been in bed hours ago. me and my boy sharpie are going for breakfast in the morning and i'll be rising early so i should be asleep, but something keeps me up (and it's not the fear of recent threats against me and my boys). i guess i just feel drawn to be. to think. to write.
i think that its moments like these that i feel God really speaking. the late nights and the early mornings. the times when i am alone but i know others aren't around. some of my best experiences with the Lord aren't much. they don't always include the bible or praying or singing or something spiritual. its just me being and Him being with me. just sensing His presence.

i feel Him now.

its beautiful.

Defending My Honor

2006-01-16T23:18:00.000-05:00

While I am flattered that people would think that I could do such a thing, I am taken aback by the accusations that have been flying around lately( I know that most people know what I am talking about without me having to say it, if not, I'm sorry.). I have always desired for people to describe me as a man of integrity and honor. Someone who could be trusted. A man of my word. But lately I feel like people have been draggin my name through the mud and saying things that are hurtful. I feel like my actions in the past and my character have been overlooked, and my hard work has been erased. Please restore my honor.

The Gambler

2006-01-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

On a warm summer's evenin', on a train bound for nowhere, I met up with the gambler. We were both too tired to sleep, so we took turns a-starin' out the window at the darkness. When boredom overtook us, he began to speak. He said, "Son, I've made a life out of readin' people's faces, knowin' what the cards were by the way they held their eyes. So if you don't mind my sayin', I can see you're out of aces. For a taste of your whiskey, I'll give you some advice."
So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow. Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light. And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
He said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, you gotta learn to play it right. You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done. Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep. 'Cause every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser, and the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."
And when he finished speakin', he turned back toward the window, crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep. And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even, and in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done."

With each hand I've been dealt, I feel like I've been learning. There has been a lot of walking away, some running, a little bit of holding (sometimes foolishly), and a few folds. If I were to add to a masterpiece, I would tell Kenny that there's also a time to go all in. At times, that is the hardest to recognize and the most difficult to do because while there might be so much to gain, there is also so much to lose. Thank God that the One who deals the cards is also looking over my shoulder whispering in my ear how I should play.

In loving memory...

2006-01-12T20:09:00.000-05:00

I hardly knew him, but it amazes me how much I still think about him. For a while, I actually used to carry a quarter in my pocket to remind me of him. Why? Because one cold January day on the way back from our interim class, I picked up a snowball as I always did. "What'll you give me if I hit that tree?" "A quarter." I hit it, and he paid up. Always a man of his word.
I hardly knew him, but I was getting to know him. I know that he and I could have been great friends if we just had the opportunity. If he was on third Beets instead of second. If I went on FYF one year later. If we had more classes together. If, if, if.
I hardly knew him, but so many others did. And to know him was to love him. His quirks, his jokes, his pranks, his guitar, his camera. Him.
I hardly knew him, but I know his sister, and she is my friend. I don't know if I would have met her if it was not for him. Knowing him and knowing her, I see that Holy Spirit flows in the family.
I hardly knew him, and yet I miss him.
You are missed, but not forgotten. I am jealous of where you are and Who you are with. Thank you for who you were while you were here and how you have inspired others to be like you. And with every quarter I see, I will think of you and then I'll think of Him.

A Challenge and a Prayer for Aught Six.

2006-01-01T02:00:00.000-05:00

Anyone out there wanna join me in reading through the Bible this year? I am going to be using Robert Murray M'Cheyne's method for daily reading. If you want to find out what his method was, pick up a copy of For the Love of God by Carson. A spiritual mentor of mine highly recommends it, and I'm gonna give it a shot.

One of my New Year's resolutions is prayer. Here's one to start off aught six:

O Lord,
Length of days does not profit me
except the days are passed in thy presence,
in thy service, to thy glory.
Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustainns, sanctifies, aids every hour,
that I may not be one moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit
to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire
to show forth thy praise;
testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the undnown waters
of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
thee, O Son, at my helm,
thee O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.
Buide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy calls,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.
Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy consel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.
May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.

--New Year prayer taken from Valley of Vision

I am a rock

2005-12-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

a winter’s day
in a deep and dark december;
i am alone,
gazing from my window to the streets below
on a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
i am a rock,
i am an island.
i’ve built walls,
a fortress deep and mighty,
that none may penetrate.
i have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
it’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
i am a rock,
i am an island.

don’t talk of love,
but I’ve heard the words before;
it’s sleeping in my memory.
i won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
if I never loved I never would have cried.
i am a rock,
i am an island.

i have my books
and my poetry to protect me;
i am shielded in my armor,
hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
i touch no one and no one touches me.
i am a rock,
i am an island.

and a rock feels no pain;
and an island never cries.

Goosebumps

2005-12-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. [A]bout the Son he says, "Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever, and righteousness will be the scepter of your kingdom. You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy."
Hebrews 1:1-3, 8-9 NIV

Goosebumps...this passage gets me everytime. Why? I love kingdom imagery, and to think of Jesus sitting at the right hand of God fills me with awe. I love being in awe of God. If only I could be in a perpetual state of awe.

So This is What Floridians Think of Christmas...

2005-12-25T20:45:00.000-05:00

I don't think that I ever thought that I would have the opportunity to play sports outside on Christmas day. That is what always made the first sign of spring so special: being able to be outside. But goodness gracious, how wierd it was today.
To be honest, I didn't think that today was going to be a good day, but I was proved dead wrong. Last night was tough being at the Christmas Eve service. Christmas Eve is usually the night that my family and I celebrate our Christmas. We always go out to dinner as a family including my grandparents. Then we go back to my parent's house, open presents, and have desert. The service last night was beautiful, but not being with my family just made the night tough. However, I am grateful to all the people who invited me over to spend the holiday, those that I was able to make it to, and those I was not. Gammichia's, Sniders, and Jakes: thank you so much! It meant the world to me to be able to spend the holiday with you. Nothing quite makes up for actual family, but you all made it a merry Christmas.
Despite the fact that it is December 25, it doesn't exactly feel like Christmas though. This was my first warm weather Christmas, and I don't know if it is something that I can ever get used to. We don't always have snow in Chicago for Christmas, but the weather will always be chilly. I guess that I just associate that with Christmas: bundling up, having a fire, hot chocolate, pajama pants, sweatshirts, slippers, and wool socks. I don't know how you Florida people do it. I just feel like you're missing out. You may think I'm crazy for preferring the cold weather, but Christmas without the cold (and if you're lucky the snow) just makes me feel like a fish out a water.
Enought of my babbling...Happy Birthday Jesus. Thanks for coming, and we look forward to you comin' again. Revelation 22:20b

We are all Edmund.

2005-12-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:6-11

Guess what movie I just saw? I will say, not quite on the same plane as Lord of the Rings (not much is), but I thoroughly and utterly enjoyed myself.

Psalm 136

2005-12-18T23:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes what is needed is to think back on all the times when you know that God has worked in your life and how faithful he has been. Seeing how he has worked in the past brings comfort for the present and hope for the future. Right now, I can look at my life and based on how God has been in the past, I can take comfort in knowing he's got me right where he wants me. And as I anticipate tomorrow and next week and next month and next year, I can rest in the hope of his constant love.
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136.1

Free writing

2005-12-13T22:05:00.000-05:00

Well, its been a good yet tough week so far with its ups and downs, and I have a feeling that the tough is going to overtake the good from here on out...
And with the holiday season of go go go...i'm just tired.
I've got to finish Christmas (and wedding) shopping, but who in their right mind wants to be at the mall right now?
Its 10 o'clock, and I just got home after leaving this morning at 7 am.
The good thing, though, is the fact that I am now a mentor. I paired up with a kid tonight, and that makes me happy.
I'm getting to the point where I need another extended amount of time by myself. Anyone know of any good monasteries around here? I could use a couple of days to recharge these introverted batteries that have been running low lately.
Does anybody have any good ideas on how to not hit your snooze button in the morning?
Senior citizens love a little loving attention, and they apparently love being sung to, no matter how terrible it sounds.
I own the fast track at the Lil' 500. You can't touch this.
I love my bed. I don't just like to sleep (which I do and I'm darn good at it thanks to my father), but I love my bed. And it love me too.
Thank you. I'm here all week.

The Boys of Summer(wood)

2005-12-11T22:54:00.000-05:00

Don't worry ladies. There is more than enough of us to go around.

Clubbin' in Dowtown Orlando

2005-12-10T11:20:00.000-05:00

Number one reason why I love where I work: they throw good parties.
Last night we had our Christmas party downtown at the Citrus club. Good food, nice place, great view. The best part was hanging out with people outside of work. The walls come down, the conversation becomes a little more real, and you git to know people a little better.
The people that I work with are a fun bunch too. Everyone has very different personalities, but I feel that we fit together as a team so well. Having a good team feeds the success of the company, not to mention the solid leadership of Don and Jamie.
We also got to play a nice little game of Yankee Swap, as Michael from the office would say (it was intended from the get go. No one got an oven mitt and then decided to turn it into Yankee Swap). Don, as always, was most generous, and all of us walked away with gift cards to some very nice restaurants (nice work Hayley on picking that #1).
After a lot of hard work, it was nice to be able to kick back and have some fun with the people that I spend a majority of my time with.
Enjoy the pics.

All is Groovy

2005-12-07T22:39:00.000-05:00

Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

Hello lamp-post, what's cha knowing, I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me, do-it-do-do, feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me

Life I love you, all is groovy

The Difference One Number Makes

2005-11-30T22:39:00.000-05:00

There are two types of people in this world: people who love the movie Rudy, and people who are indifferent. I definitely fall into the first category.
There are way too many profound moments in the film to even begin to write about. I just want to spend a minute talking about passion.
Rudy's passion was obvious. He wanted more than anything to play football for the University of Notre Dame. And let's be honest, who wouldn't? I've never played competitive football in my life, and I would love to run out of that tunnel just like Rudy did. Rudy did everything that he possibly could to make his passion come true. He made sacrifices and he worked hard. He did what he had to. He even took his case to a Higher Court (the scene of him kneeling in front of the candles praying), as the priest instructed him to.
Being the product of Calvin College that I am, I can hardly watch a movie now without taking the time to discern what I had watched. Like I have already said, the movie made me (and is still making me) consider what my passions are in life. Unlike Rudy, I don't feel like I even know what I am specifically passionate about. This makes it difficult to engage my passions with all that I have.
I feel that the character that I resonate more with than Rudy is number 44. Although he is only one number away from Rudy (Rudy was 45), the two characters could not be more different. Rudy hits 44 hard during one scene, and 44 goes ballistic screaming at Rudy. He yells that Rudy treats practice like its the Super Bowl. Coach Parseghian gets up in 44's face and lays into him saying that if he had one tenth the heart of Rudy, he would have been an All-American. Ouch.
I feel like I (and many other people might feel the same) live my life one number off. Instead of pursuing my passions like #45 Rudy, I live as #44 with no heart.
If every Christian had one tenth of the heart of Rudy, imagine what this world would be like?

People, Stories, and a New Found Respect

2005-11-23T23:06:00.000-05:00

I've been learning about a couple of different things over the last couple of days. These days that have been beautiful: no stress except babies crying, naps in the middle of the day, old friends, and the comfort of family.
I went to Grand Rapids yesterday (expect a great pic of me and my good buddy Mark real soon). It was great and also revealing. The worst part of the trip was the time that I spend walking around Calvin (that's where I did my undergrad for those of you unfamiliar with the fine institution). Most of it was exactly how I remember it, and I felt at home, but that warm fuzzy feeling ended pretty quickly. After about 15 minutes of walking around and recalling different memories of the different places, I was indifferent about being there, and I realized it was because I was alone. I didn't recognize anyone there, and no one knew me. I even walked by Coop's office, and he wasn't there. I didn't have anyone to share my memories with, and I realized the age-old truth that it's not the place but the people that is so important. If the walls of all the buildings could talk, they would have so many memories to share. But they can't. I realized that although Calvin will always be a home to me, it was truly mine for a little while, and now I have to move on. The people I shared my time with there, however, will always be mine. The relationships that I built there can continue forever (and should as long as I make the slightest of effort).
The day got exponentially better when I was able to spend time with three friends: Rachel, Mel, and Mark. These are three very different friends and relationships, and three friendships which I cherish in their own unique way. Thank you Rach, Mel, and Mark for taking time out of your schedules just to hang. Rach, it always good to catch up with someone that I have known for so long. Even though the times we talk are few and far between, you will always be a good friend. Mel, thank you for understanding how *very, very* important it was to get back in touch with me. Dinner was great, but the conversation was better. I will follow up with you on bringing you down to Orlando to work at Orangewood. I'm praying that God will show you that is where he wants you! ;) And Mark. What can I say? Our no nonsense, don't even think about beating around the bush conversations are amazing. You challenge me. I see so much of the Lord in you. I would drive a lot farther than two and a half hours just to be able to chat with you over a cup of coffee. Enjoy the book. I know that you will love it.
Speaking of how important people are, I just gained a great deal of respect tonight (despite the goofy picture of him with my nephew Wyatt at the beginning of this post) for someone that I thought I knew pretty well. I have a whole new perspective on the person I call my dad because of the conversation that we had tonight over coffee. You always hear about people who have been in the military always sharing their "war stories." To be honest, I have never heard many of my father's stories. Tonight I had the privilege of hearing a few of them. My father, gripping a cup of coffee and propping his feet on the table, recounted fond memories with that reminiscent, far-off look in his eye that only comes from memorable moments dancing around in one's mind. Little did I know that my father won marksmanship awards or met General Patton (the Third, not "Blood n Guts" himself, but his son) or guarded a compound that might have contained nuclear weapons (don’t tell anyone though…that information is classified). I also got to hear the full story of what it was like to find out hours before he was supposed to be shipped of to 'Nam only to find out at the last minute that the orders had changed (I am so thankful of that!). Needless to say, I have a newfound respect for the man I call my father. Not that I didn't have respect for him before, because I hold my father in very high regard. But I felt like a new door was opened and I got to see a little bit more of who he is. So much of whom people are is shaped by what they have done in the past. I feel closer to him. I feel like I understand him that much more now. It's beautiful, and I love it.

Evidence of the Fall

2005-11-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

**How hard relationships are to maintain.
**Trying to figure out members of the opposite sex (either male or female, i'm not just ripping how impossible women are to understand).
**Trying to complete the rest of this blog, but not being able to focus because my roommates are making too much of ruckus with their conversation and me wanting really badly to crawl into bed but I can't because I've got to pack for Chicago.

Peace out everyone. Have a great Thanksgiving, and I'll give a real update when I get back, hopefully much rejuvinated and having much to talk about.

This one's for you...

2005-11-03T18:19:00.000-05:00

...mom and dad. I know that you guys love to know what is going on in my life here in FL. Here are a couple of pictures of some friends of mine for you and an idea of what I've been up to recently.
I also know that you guys are avid fans of my blog. However, I have yet to see a comment posted by either of you. Well, here is you opportunity....(other comments welcome too of course!)

A Part of Me

2005-10-27T21:38:00.000-05:00

Every time I talk to anyone in my family, I am reminded all over again how much family means to me and how much I miss them. Sure, I may have gotten used to not seeing my family all that often since it has been a long time since we have all lived under the same roof in good ol' South Holland. But that doesn't mean that I like not seeing them.
I can not wait for Thanksgiving. My entire family (everyone in the pictures) will be in South Holland. Even the ones from Germany. I can not begin to descibe how excited I am about the 5 days that I will be back "home." Since we won't see each other for Christmas, we are celebrating the holidays a little early this year. However exciting that sounds, Christmas will be a lot different this year. As of yet, I don't know what it will look like, but it will be just a little bit sad.
Family, I love you all. You all mean the world to me. I miss you and can't wait to see you!
See you in Chicago!

The day I never dreamed would come...

2005-10-26T23:27:00.000-05:00

...is here. My boys from the South Side actually pulled it off. It has been a long time waiting in the city of Chicago for a baseball team to do anything significant. 88 years for the Sox and even longer for the Cubs. I can not tell you how happy I am that my town--my team--has some bragging rights. The Sox didn't "just" pull it off; they only lost one game all throughout the playoffs. They swept the former chumps...I mean champs...won 4 straight against the Angels--all of them complete games by the fab four--and dominated the National League in their first trip to the World Series since the Go-Go Sox.
I am so proud of my Sox and of my city. We haven't had anything significant happen in the world of sports since Jordan retired in '98 (his second retirement). Now, people in my "Sweet Home Chicago" can dance in the streets, celebrating the end to so many years of mediocrity and frustration.
I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up and find out that this was just a dream. For now, I will just watch the postgame show and take in as much as I can from the oh-so-magical night.
Anybody want to foot the bill for a plane ticket to the Windy City?
(Dad and Mom: thanks for calling me during the games and sharing this with me! I love you guys!)

When a fish is not enough...

2005-10-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

...then my real buddy Mark comes to the rescue. I am completely unashamed to tell the world that I love you. You listen, you understand. You know me even though we are so different. Thank you.
Relationships are a funny thing. I can't imagine where we would be without relationships, but of all the relationships that you have in your lifetime, how many of them actually last a lifetime. We are always making new friends and moving on from old ones. Very few people in one's life are there for a lifetime.
Hopefully your famiy is there through it all. Also your spouse. But what friends are there for more than a season of your life?
Mark, you are one of those friends that will be. Tim, you have already proved that you are another. Thank you.

Buddy

2005-10-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

I don't think that I have ever owned a fish before. My family never was really much of a "pet family." We had a hampster once, but Honey didn't last very long. Oh well.
Yesterday was a tough day and I felt like I needed a friend. Not one to go out to coffee with or play around with, just one who would listen. So Buddy is now doomed to live with me. Hopefully I can keep him around for a while.
Buddy is a beta, but I really didn't want a beta. I wanted a really cool looking golfish who was white and orange with blue spots. He looked really neat. But when the person at PetSmart told me that it would grow to about 10 inches, I opted for the beta (just don't tell Buddy that he wasn't my first choice). Oh well.
So now I always have a captive audience if I need one. I'm just nervous that this creature's whole existence is dependent on me. Lets hope he lives for a while.

Recent Ponderings

2005-09-24T05:15:00.000-05:00

So I haven't read a Henri Nouwen book in a while, and when he was mentioned last week Sunday during Jeff's sermon, I felt it was about time to pick him up again. I've had this book, Reaching Out: the Three Movements of the spiritual Life, since the summer after my junior year at Calvin, but I never got past the first couple of pages. Now I know why. God was saving it for such a time as this in my life when I am more prepared for the words that I am reading.
Right now I am just struggling my way through it since it is really challenging my thinking and how I view relationships with other people. Here are just a couple of passages from the book that I just don't know what to do with right now and need some further thought.

There is much mental suffering in our world. But some of it is suffering for the wrong reason because it is born out of the false expectation that we are called to take each other's loneliness away. When our loneliness drives us away from ourselves into the arms of our companions in life, we are, in fact, driving ourselves into excruciating relationships, tiring friendships and suffocating embraces.

...Real openness to each other [in relationships] also means a real closedness, because only he who can hold a secret can safely share his knowledge. When we do not protect with great care our own inner mystery, we will never be able to form community...An intimate relationship between people not only asks for mutual openness but also for mutual respectful protection of each other's uniqueness.

Do not now seek answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

And finally...
The mystery of love is that it protects and respects the aloneness of the other and creates the free space where he can convert his loneliness into a solitude that can be shared. In this solitude we can strengthen each other by mutual respect, by careful consideration of each other's individuality, by an obedient distance from each other's privacy and by a reverent understanding of the sacredness of the human hear. In this solitude we encourage each other to enter into the silence of our innermost being and discover there the voice that calls us beyond the limits of human togetherness to a new communion. In this solitude we can slowly become aware of a presence of him who embraces friends and lovers and offers us the freedom to love each other, because he loved us first.

Longing for more...

2005-09-18T23:30:00.000-05:00

After today I just feel like the title of my blog. During church today, four things came to mind that I wanted to start doing ranging from going beyond just sunday morning sunday school with a couple of the boys in my class to talking to Carl Smith about Restore Orlando to other things as well. Then my mind starts racing about figuring out schedules and fitting things in and about how everything would work out. I get tired just thinking about it all. How does one actually do everything that they want to do (or think they should be doing).
Right now, I already feel too tired. I'm always draggin' myself out of bed in the morning. Its never to attack the day looking forward to what God has in store. It's always thinking how soon I can get my butt back under the covers. (Don't worry, I'm not depressed, I think I just like sleeping a little too much...blame it on my father, the world's best sleeper).
I think I have the problem of not wanting to miss anything. I want to be so many things and do so many things because I don't want to miss out on something that I should be doing. When I think about it, I know that God won't actually allow me to "miss out" on something he actually wants me to be doing. But still, there just seems so much out there. It seems that so much is required of Christians, and sometimes i feel that I need to have my hand in it all. I need to help the Katrina people, the AIDS orphans in Africa, the starving people in China, the homeless people in Chicago, the billions of people everywhere who don't believe in the gospel. Simply overwhelming.
So what I am trying to get the Lord to pound into this thick skull of mine is that he has gifted me in some areas and I best be using those gifts for his kingdom. I can't do everything, but I can do something. Just don't squander the gifts I have been given. I need to be used where I am, realizing there are other Christians in other places who are called to be used as well and are using there gifts in the same way I need to be using mine. Where I am not serving, someone else is serving, or at least has the opportunity to serve.
Now the question begs to be asked, where can I best be used by God? My answer right now is, start where you are.

My Woods

2005-09-06T22:28:00.000-05:00

"Whose woods these are I think I know
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To see his woods fill up with snow...

The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep"
--Robert Frost "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

While at Barnes tonight, I slipped by the poetry section and was caught by Robert Frost. Maybe it was because I watched "Dead Poets Society" not to long ago, or maybe it was the longing for beauty...I don't know, and I'm not one to over-analyze.
Tonight, studying is my miles, and Frost is my snowy wood. Here I sit, taking a short moment to enjoy the beauty amidst the tasks that lay before me. So much to do and so little time to do it makes these rare moments of seeing beauty so special.
And such is my relationship with the Lord...
Doing too often takes the place of being, and performing replaces living. My rare snowy woods are crowded out by my endless miles that seemingly need to be traveled. The tasks will get done. The miles will be traveled. But to what expense? Missing the snowy wood? Hardly seems worth it...

Everything's Holy Now

2005-08-24T01:00:00.000-05:00

"When holy water was rare at best, it barely wet my fingertips. But now I have to hold my breath because I swimming in a see of it...Everything is holy now."

These are words taken from a great song performed by the great David Wilcox, but written by the great Peter Mayer. Ever since I heard this song for the first time, it has really gotten me to think a lot about how I view the world.
Tonight in my small group, we talked a bit about mystery and miracles and our cultures views on this subjact after reading about the birth of Christ in Matthew. I feel that our culture doesn't leave room for mystery and we certainly don't have categories for miracles. We've become so darn smart and figured so many things out that it is hard to think that something might be unexplainable. If something can't be explained, it must be because we just haven't figured it out yet and the day will come when we do have it figured out.
Christianity itself is full of mystery and miracles, but I feel like we have lost touch with that aspect because it becomes so familiar to us. Living in mystery and believing in miracles takes a lot of faith. And according to another singer/songwriter (Andrew Peterson), "faith is a burden...its a weight to bear." Being ok with not being able to explain everything is not easy. I feel that not having God figured out (or thinking that I have him figured out) is incredibly healthy for a Christian. Otherwise, God becomes stale. He's always the same. But if you dwell in the mystery of who God is and what he does, every day is a new adventure with God. Then, like Wilcox says in his song, the struggle isn't finding a miracle, it's finding where there isn't one.

2005-07-26T10:51:00.000-05:00